CNN's Mister Excitement opens up in the Summer 2005 issue of Golf Connoisseur magazine (pg. 132, for those of you who have it handy.) Warning--this interview is rated PG-13, for "Probably Gonna put you in a coma in 13 seconds or less." But here's the high concept in case you're going to be operating heavy machinery anytime soon: the man hates his job in a deeply passive-aggressive way and should have titled this interview "Dear CNN, Bite Me"; a Buddhist monk has more fire than he does; the only drive he has is in a Titanium Callaway Big Bertha; he only wears suits to work because those stuffed-shirt bastards at CNN insist on harshing his mellow; please don't hate him because he's in this tacky fire-engine-chasing cable news business, because he's just so damn nice; and he brags about having played golf with Greg Norman, which is a lot like bragging that you pray to God.One highlight: "I think about a time when I don't work, or at least when I don't do a five programs a week. I think about a time when I hear a fire engine go by and I don't have to chase it. I'm closer to that than I was yesterday."
WHAT'S IN YOUR...?
HAIR - A small amount of mousse. I do it. No one else tends to play with my hair, at least on a good day.
FAVORITE SANDWICH - Barbecue chicken on a French roll, from my kitchen, with my own barbeque sauce.
BOOKCASE - I tend to read on airplanes, and I tend to read airplane books. I have every 87th Precinct book Ed McBain ever wrote, and they'll be in my estate. They're the best police procedurals ever written.
STOCK PORTFOLIO - Too much IBM.
NIGHTMARES - I have performance nightmares: the inability to speak; doing a show without a shirt on. Everyone who does what I do for a living has these same dreams.
WILDEST DREAMS - Honestly, I'm living my dream. To have a job like this and a life like I do.
LIQUOR CABINET - Ketel One vodka. It's probably been there for years, but I take some comfort just knowing it's there.
CEREAL BOWL - Cheerios. A banana would be good. Two percent milk, though whole milk would be better - it seems like a small concession to a longer life.
BLOOD - Apparently cheese: I've been eating a lot of it this afternoon. But my cholesterol's good these days. There is some Lipitor in my blood right now to help keep it that way. I'm not a vegetarian; I like to cook, I like to eat.
RECIPE FILE - A really good braised short ribs in coffee and ancho chile. I cook for friends. My ideal night out is a night in. Two or three couples over for dinner. I love the cooking, everyone hanging out in the kitchen, the whole process.
HATE MAIL - Today it's full of people upset about something I said about FOX, that it was entertainment with news only as a component. I answer 30 - 40 e-mails a day.
Even if I don't agree with someone, I try to say, "Thanks for writing." Off the air, I try to be as civil as I am on the air. What I've learned about viewers who don't like me is that if I respond to them pleasantly - but I don't give ground - we tend to be at peace with each other. They may think I'm wrong, but they don't think I'm a jerk. It's important to be civil with each other even when we disagree. I don't tell people to shut up. I'm the anti-cable guy. I'm Minnesota nice.
TROPHY CASE - Three Emmys, two New York Film Festival World Medals, a duPont- Columbia University award, and the second-place medal from the member-guest at The Medalist (Golf Club in Hobe Sound, Florida). I had a good partner: Greg Norman.
CRAW - If you had asked me last week I would have said FedEx, because they lost my golf clubs, but they found them. Today, nothing. I'm kind of ridiculously mellow today.
Impoliteness. Rudeness bothers me. I see it a lot.
TODAY'S SCHEDULE - I've got a program to do. As soon as we're done, I'm writing the program. From 7p.m. on, I'm usually pretty focused on what's going to happen at 10 p.m. Actually, from 8 a.m. I'm pretty focused on what's going to happen at 10. It makes for a long day.
CARRY-ON - A day's worth of life, just in case. A shirt, a tie, a book to read, work to deal with. Headphones. And tomorrow I'm taking it to Detroit.
IPOD - Everything that Paul Simon has ever done, everything from early Dylan and Norah Jones to a John Denver song that I hope no one ever asks me about; and a meditation tape a friend gave me because he said I needed it. I don't know if it works or not, but it puts me to sleep on planes, which is the best way to fly.
BASEMENT - Everything my wife and I have ever owned. God love her, she's incapable of throwing anything away. It's just junk: a giant Big Bird. Stacks of New Yorker going back to 1975.
CLOSET - I'm a jeans and t-shirt person. I wear suits to work. That's not me, that's my uniform.
WINE CELLAR - We have a wine room in the basement, but I don't know how to get there, much less what's in it. My wife does, and she loves it. She remembers every bottle of wine she's ever consumed. I just want something to go with dinner, or to get a little buzz.
FUTURE - I think about a time when I don't work, or at least when I don't do a five programs a week. I think about a time when I hear a fire engine go by and I don't have to chase it. I'm closer to that than I was yesterday. ---- Interviewed by Augustin Sedgewick
The "Mr. Blandstone" reference: Aaron is no Axl, sadly for Aaron:
