You gotta laugh Dept.: Today's Borowitz Report:


FIGHTING BREAKS OUT BETWEEN CNN AND FOX

Anderson Cooper, Geraldo in Border Skirmish

Fears of a wider war in the Middle East were realized today as fighting broke out between CNN and Fox in southern Lebanon.

In the two weeks since the Mideast conflict began, camera crews and on-air personalities from the two cable news giants had been staring each other down, jealously guarding their territory in the fight to beam the most dramatic footage back home.

Diplomatic experts have worried, however, that the massive presence of both CNN and Fox in southern Lebanon was a powder keg waiting to explode -- worries that seemed particularly justified today.

While setting up a shot with his camera crew this morning, the Fox News Channel's Geraldo Rivera saw that another newscaster was clearly visible in the background of his shot: CNN's Anderson Cooper.

In a fury, Mr. Rivera dropped his microphone and ran over to Mr. Cooper, assaulting him with a barrage of verbal taunts.

"Get out of my shot, Hurricane Boy!" the unhinged Mr. Rivera reportedly shrieked, engaging Mr. Cooper in a fierce bout of slap-fighting.

Amid rising tensions between the two cable news behemoths, there were renewed calls for a third party to act as a buffer between CNN and Fox.

"What is needed is a neutral party who is not involved in the cable news ratings race," one insider said. "Like CNBC."

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