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Multiplatform Whoredom

Written By mista sense on Wednesday, March 21, 2007 | 4:35 PM

So not only will Devil May Cry 4 be released simultaneously on 360 and PS3, but the French SCE prez Georges Fournay has also hinted that " l'exclusivité est en discussion" when it comes to FFXIII, too. Ooh, la la!

What can each platform do to distinguish itself? Here are some ideas that I personally feel are excellent candidates. Put me in touch with the developers immediately.

  • In the XBox version of DMC4, Dante will appear as a rugged and heavily armed manly man, while in the PS3 version, Dante appears as an effeminate bishounen. Oh wait, YOU AREN'T DANTE IN DMC4. Never mind.
  • The XBox version of FFXIII will not be able to erase the inescapable Squeenix homoeroticism, but as a counterweight, will introduce the "ultimate gore mode." In the PS3 version, blood is replaced by sweet, salty emotional tears.
  • In the PS3 version of DMC4, Vergil, Dante and Lady will all be featured as unlockables. In the XBox version you can unlock John Madden.

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