The VKC Champions

Written By mista sense on Friday, March 16, 2007 | 11:43 AM

The Videogameland Kennel Club is a forum for the cream-of-the-crop in canine pedigree. Our competition has an illustrious history of pioneering best-of-breed trends and excellence in gaming. We proudly announce the winners of this year's competition!

Contestants were judged across several essential areas-- biting enemies, sniffing out power-ups, and nudging doors open.

Best of Breed
White German Shepherd
Hewie earned high marks for dexterity in latch-nudging and digging, but it was his spotless white coat, utterly untainted by homunculus bloodstains, that made the precision of his attack apparent. Not all the judges were impressed. "I had to call his name several times; his AI is horrible," complained famous obedience trainer Mary McMurtree. "He growled at every corpse we put in front of him." However, Hewie also growled in the training field when undead alchemists attempted to impregnate his trainer, proving his reliability as "exactly the kind of survival-horror hero we like to see."

Best in Show
Yellow Labrador Retriever
While Brown performed impressively in basic tasks, he never failed to find the quintessential Beef Jerky during the Invisible Food in the Middle of the Floor Trial-- this even-tempered, lovable lab might not look like much, but he was able to transform it into a blinking edible star every time.

Honorable Mention
White Wolf of Domremy
We were impressed by this animal's near-human intellect, but unfortunately wolves are not eligible for top prizes in the VKC. Additionally, Blanca's trainers firmly deny accusations that their entry used performance-enhancing Magical Crests.

Has your pet saved you from a grisly circumstance? Is your canine companion your ultimate accessory in waking nightmares? If so, consider entering him for competition into the VKC. It is recommended that entrants have a very high affection ranking (or affinity points, if you use them) with their trainers. Do not feed your dog onions or zombified flesh, and take care you do not let him stand between you and a monster, lest you kick him by accident.

Also, please do not enter dogs that look like this:

Symbols of divided souls and/or burn victims will not be tolerated at the VKC.

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