Some of you really outdid yourselves this week; I was really challenged to choose the "best", as, of course, literally all the ideas were hysterical and awesome. We had a lot of new folks in the game thanks to a plug from Maggie at Kotaku (SVGL loves you, too, Maggie). And because they ran long, I could only choose a couple to feature. I highly recommend you check out all of the ideas in the comments of the original post!
And, of course, dig the rapist's wit on display in the previous SVGL "Best Of" contests:
Video Game Pickup Lines
Video Game Disses
I also really wish I could give out prizes, but when it comes to dev swag, I'm never on the list, it seems. Yo, developers, publishers, game junk and toy companies, if you're reading this and want to promote your site, your store or your stuff on my site, email me at leigh_alexander1 AT yahoo DOT com. The last couple of contests have gotten a lot of buzz and link play, and my readers deserve prizes, dammit! So email me and give me some crap to give away, willya?
Winner #1: Sean Barrett
Safety Zone MMO: An Entire World Within Arm's Reach
The Internet can be a dangerous place for children, especially when it's used to interact with other people. That's why we've developed Safety Zone, a new massively-multiplayer online game that is absolutely secure for kids, guaranteed!
In Safety Zone, players wander freely around a mysterious, strangely abandoned place known as "The Zone". In the weird world of The Zone, nothing ever changes--and nobody else seems to exist, not even the other players!
Every design element in Safety Zone was carefully chosen with children's safety as the uppermost concern, without the need for parental controls. Although Safety Zone is avatar-based, there is no way to see other players' avatars, much less communicate with them, so there is no possibility of kids seeing or hearing anything inappropriate, whether it be dynamic speech or user-generated content.
Unlike other games which allow persistent changes to the world, Safety Zone disallows any changes to avoid any "virtual communication". Similarly, so that parents can know exactly what they're getting out of the box, Safety Zone does not allow downloadables, unlockables, virtual goods, exclusive content, USB codes, or celebrity placements or endorsements.
Additionally, Safety Zone blocks all access to the Internet to prevent game-external communities from undercutting our guarantees.
But simply cutting kids off from other people can't absolutely ensure safety. Game designs often place boundaries and limits on actions, but psychologists have shown the traumatic possibilities for 'tweens from even the simplest sort of restrictions. That's why we've introduced the revolutionary freedom of "Immobile Access", where the world of Safety Zone is only two feet by two feet by four feet tall, so players can access the entire world without moving their avatar at all. With no movement possible, no artifical barriers are needed, and players can feel complete freedom.
The experience is enhanced by the world being fully customizable in any of four colors.
Come join us at Safety Zone. It's An Entire World Within Arm's Reach!
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Winner # 2: Anne Packrat
They are a constant, indispensable part of our lives. Some spend millions on a single piece of it, while others are stuck with bargain store knockoffs. You use them, abuse them, put things on them, and you may even be sitting on one right now.
Welcome to Sitting Life: The Furniture MMO.
Have you ever wanted to be a chair, a table, a lamp or an armoire? Now you can be in the vibrant, dynamic world of Sitting Life!
Combining the best elements of popular MMOs like World of Warcraft, Second Life and Ethan Allen's: Upholstery Adventure, Sitting Life is a persistent and ever-evolving, avatar-based virtual community. And the best part is: it's customizable!
So what do you do in Sitting Life? Every player starts off with a basic "furny" avatar, either a thrift store table, chair or couch. At first you are old and worn sitting in some poor college student's apartment, with barely a can of Pledge to your name.
But through hard work, and completing challenges you can earn new unlockables and other exclusive content, such as paint, repairs, varnishes or even a whole new reupholstering! Players can also use real world money to purchase virtual goods such as pillows, tablecloths and cushions.
Don't have money? Don't worry! Sitting Life has you covered with a variety of real world tie-ins from Crate and Barrel, Bed Bath and Beyond, and Home Depot. Limited edition goods are also available through our celebrity placement program. Soon your furniture avatar can be wearing the hottest goods from Martha Stewart's Living collection, or Oprah Winfrey's new line of designer throw pillows.
And Sitting Life isn't just for adults, no children and 'tweens have their own special area, and even their own avatars! Little Billy can zoom around as a car-shaped bed, or older sister Sierra can spend her time as a hip pink vanity table! Kids will love designing their own user-generated content such as custom paint schemes, fabric and decals. They'll have fun playing games such as "Find the Change in the Couch Cushions!" and "What's That Stain?"
Best of all, through Sitting Life's unique set of parental controls, your family will always be safe, no matter where they are in the game!
On the go, but still want to play? Now you can! Through the miracles of modern technology and USB code, you can download a mini-version of Sitting Life to your Ipod, Zune, or other media player. Our new mobile access feature allows you to use your cell phone to check on your furny anytime you want!
Come be a part of the fastest growing home-decor MMO out today!
Go from Thrift Store to Fabulous all in Sitting Life: The Furniture MMO!
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Winner #3: Dan Staines
SEOUL, KOREA (December 14, 2006) – Glorious Rocket Games, Inc. (GRG GAME), industry leader in fun entertainment and related services, today announce making of new massive-multiplay online game (MMORPG) called DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS SUMMONER.
To play DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS SUMMONER game is to be small boy with magic power of summon DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS. Everybody plays in internet and a struggle for most DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS can result. With excellent graphics and attractive faces, players put clothes and items on DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS and then devour lovely girls. But sometimes girls are clever and hide, so player must be wise and use correct monocle! Sixty levels in progress promise many hours of pleasure for DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS SUMMONER.
Some features will be:
• Many monocles for DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS. Magic monocles to see most attractive girls! Some are lasers!
• TOP-HAT RENDERING SYSTEM™ enforces beauty in all places. Lovely girls with wobbling chest meats excite desire and make the gamer sweat!
• Unique STICKY TENTACLE CONTROL SCHEME™
• Many coloured DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS for player pleasure. It is possible for own creations!
• Cigars!
DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS SUMMONER is made for computer with an internet. For more information and personal talking, please contact God Rocket Games using your telephone for details.
Seriously, nice job, everyone.
