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Brawl Haul

Written By mista sense on Monday, March 17, 2008 | 7:33 AM

Damn, that's a confident woman. I could never wear that, even if it were possible for me to have that figure.

I wonder if I ever mentioned that I really never liked Smash Bros. Melee much. I prefer actual fighting games, where the gameplay is very logical and calculated. When I used to play Melee a bit here and there at friends' houses, I'd become quickly frustrated at the randomness of it all. Why did Kirby suddenly pick up a rocket launcher? Why does pressing a button sometimes do one thing and sometimes another? The stages often zoom out so far and with objects and characters and powerups flying all over the place, I can hardly ever even keep track of what's going on or which one is me. It just seems as if you button-mash in someone's general direction and pray you get lucky.

I thought I'd like Brawl why, now?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't hate it, or anything. A friend and I were playing against each other last night and just randomizing everything, and we ended up with Princess Peach in a white dress fighting Zelda in a black dress. It was pretty bad-ass. I love those accidental "cinematic moments" in games -- you know, when things just suddenly work out perfectly, either for sincere entertainment or unintentional hilarity. Another time, we were playing Bowser versus Mario in the Mushroomy Kingdom (we picked that by hand, not at random) and the time ran out just as both characters were slow-motion diving for the flag at the end of the level.

But in general, I really find Brawl much more frustrating than entertaining. I thank god I didn't have to review this game --just about everyone gave it a 9 and up, and some even gave it 10s. Even disregarding that I'm frustrated by the core gameplay (as that's pretty much personal taste), as you probably already know, the Wii version is insignificantly fancier than the GameCube version.

Especially given that the Classic Controller is hugely preferable to the Wii remote and or Nunchuk combo, it feels like they should have come out with this very same game like, four years ago. In other words, it gains nothing at all by being on Wii. The much-touted online, the only major difference, is a bit glitchy, and the UI could use some work. If I'd had to review it, I would have given it probably a 7, and I'd be boarding up my windows and hiding from the fanboy and fangirl mobs inside my apartment right now.

It's not an ambitious game and it never intended to be -- its main objective, of course, was to allow pals to play informal grudge matches against one another as their beloved Nintendo characters, and it does that with glee. But I always end up getting pissed when I play it; when I lose, I can't really understand why, and when I win, I can't really understand why.

Also, why are all the characters I really want to play as unlockables? Why can't I just play with them no-o-o-w? Why are some characters total suck and others completely cheap in their brutality (I'm looking at you, Meta Knight)?

I still forgot to get my pain-in-the-ass Friend Code off the damn Wii, and now that I'm all surly I don't know if I wanna play with anyone. But you guys can feel free to leave yours here if you want to connect with fellow SVGL readers; I'll go and get the foolish thing when I finish work today, and then update this post.

Oh, and obligatory: Who's not in Brawl that you wish was? Honestly, I really have nothing to complain about this time around, as you know I got the one I'd pick!

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