I guested over with my pals at Rock Paper Shotgun, joining the legendary Kieron Gillen to help him critique EA's rather stunningly hyperbolic Red Alert 3 trailer. It's full of real people, the sort intended to look sexy and famous, so we put the whole works up to our dual scrutiny to evaluate.
Mr. Gillen and myself are reputed for our in-depth, serious critical and cultural analyses, so of course we handled the topic of who we would and wouldn't do in the Red Alert 3 trailer with the ultimate in sober sincerity:
Leigh: Oh, okay. She’s holding a big, black gun.
Kieron: Attached to her crotch
Leigh: That little snippet wasn’t heavy-handed or anything?
Kieron: Is there subtext here?
Leigh: Heavy-handedness is not hot.
Kieron: Sadly, for me, machineguns are hot
Leigh: Yes, guns are hot. And I’d buy McCarthy as a Special Forces Commander about as easily as I’d buy Napoleon as a man-tower. Napoleon was in WW2, right?
Kieron: Napoleon was one of the beaches they landed in Normandy. It was defended with Chaffinches, which is a type of cavalry.
Leigh: Oh, right, I was getting him confused with those flying guys from China
Kieron: It is hard. Try to keep up.
Not being much of a PC gamer, I had much to learn:
Leigh: I find it hard to believe these uniforms are proper military issue.Check it out!
Kieron: Are you saying this isn’t a proper military simulation? PC games don’t do fantasy, Leigh
Leigh: That’s exactly what I’m saying. This is not the serious, stodgy military gaming experience I was promised under the hallmark of Rock Paper Shotgun. When do I get to move my units?
Kieron: You get to move your units after - ONLY AFTER - you do your economic reorganisation.
